Getting Full on Less Dough: the Hungry Preacher's Guide to Savvy Shopping, PART 6

Here we are, already in PART 6 of our course.  Here are handy links in case you need to review PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, or PART 5.  (And here's a bonus link to my shopping exploits last Thanksgiving Day.)  It seems like just a couple of weeks ago, you were wide-eyed freshmen entering the Hungry Preacher's School for Savvy Shopping ("HPSSS" as we're referred to in the BCS standings).  Now, you're ready to graduate.  But even though you're "earning a degree", remember that life is all about "learning in degrees" (see what I did there?).  So take steps to continue your education through your own experience, as well as the mooching off the experience of others.

Believe it or not, many of the lessons I myself have taught you in this course were actually passed on to me from shoppers even savvier than I.

First and foremost, check out iheartwags.com, and the sister blogs iheartcvs.com and iheartriteaid.com.  I'm not exactly sure about the direction of influence in shopping and couponing blogs, but I think a lot of them draw from these.  They provide good hints for newbies and seasoned vets alike, as well as sneak peeks at upcoming sales, links to coupons and other sites, and even a copy of Walgreen's coupon policy.

Since I mentioned links to coupons, I should point out the obvious gap in information in this series regarding online coupons.  If I was doing a "PART 7", "Online Coupons" would be the topic.  The biggest reason that I didn't cover that topic is because I'm still sort of figuring it out myself.  If anyone knows a comprehensive and consistently updated database of online coupons, I'd be interested to know it.  The closest thing I've found is afullcup.com, but I get the feeling they're always about a week behind on updates.  Maybe I'm wrong.

Other coupons sites (and there may be some overlap in terms of what is offered) include redplum.com, couponmom.com, coupons.com, and smartsource.com.

Aside from having to jump around to different sites to find coupons, online coupon clipping is also more of a race than something to leisurely do while you're watching TV; there are often a limited number of prints available for a coupon, so it's a "first come" sort of thing.  Realize some folks swear by it, and I may be just a couple of tips away from having online couponing click for me.  But right now, I'm a dabbler.

If you want more insight into online couponing, or just feel like 6 posts is woefully insufficient to address all you need to know about saving money, check out this 30-post primer on couponing.  The series (and the entire site) is pretty bada--, as couponing websites go.

Finally, here is a sampling of Price Ceilings from yours truly, presented here in appendix-like resource form.  Many of these could be lowered by 15-20% in a pinch:
$.75:
-pack of gum
-pound of bananas
-single-serve yogurt
-single cartridge for a razor (# per package varies)

$1.00:
-bottle of ketchup
-box of pasta (16 ounce)
-pound of apples
-box of facial tissue
-can of soup
-tube of toothpaste
-energy drink
-can of tuna
-6 pack of boxed raisins

$1.50:
-bag of tortilla chips
-package of hot dogs

$2.00:
-tortillas
-box of 6 granola bars
-box of 10 packets of fruit snacks
-chocolate syrup
-8 ounces bag of shredded cheese
-box of cereal
-household cleaner
-bag of potato chips
-stick of deoderant
-jar of peanuts
-16 ounce flavored coffee creamer

$3.00
-12-pack of name-brand soda
-4 ounces of beef jerky
-12-pack of string cheese
-12 ounces of ground coffee

Getting Full on Less Dough: the Hungry Preacher's Guide to Savvy Shopping, PART 5

In PART 1 of this series, I provided a non-exhaustive list of 5 foundational rules that can help savvify your shopping.  Only one of those rules will get its very own "post of elaboration".  That post is today's post, the penultimate of the series.  And that rule, copied from PART 1, is as follows:

4. Establish Price Ceilings. A price ceiling is the low but reasonable dollar value you know you can regularly buy something for with sales and/or coupons. For example, my price ceiling on 12-packs of soda is $3. Without too much effort, I know I can usually get a 12-pack for this figure. Know the price ceiling. Commit to the price ceiling. If an item is on sale AND you have a coupon--BUT the final price is STILL above your price ceiling, then run away! Yell, "Go away, you filthy tempters! I am committed to the price ceiling!" Also, remember that the price ceiling is, in fact, a ceiling--if you stock up and practice patience, you can usually pay less than the price ceiling for an item (for example, 12-packs can often be had for $2.50 or even $2.00).

Just in case providing it with its very own post wasn't enough, let me say as clearly as I know how that your price ceiling--and nothing else--should determine whether or not you buy an item.  If you spend too much on groceries, it's almost certainly due to not establishing and/or not abiding by price ceilings.  Since I'm tired of typing out "price ceiling" and since "PC" is already taken as an abbreviation, henceforth I will regularly use "PrC" as an abbreviation for "price ceiling".

So here are a few additional thoughts and clarifications:
1.  Coupons and PrC's.  You CAN use a coupon to bring an item under your PrC.  But don't fall into the trap of thinking, "Oh, I have a coupon AND this item is on sale--that must count for something."  If that sale + coupon doesn't bring the item under your PrC, then they do NOT count for something.  I am speaking from experience when I say that it is weird how great the pull of sale + coupon can be, when my brain knows full well that I can STILL get the item for cheaper.  Let me use coffee as an example.  I realize that coffee brand and quality is something that a lot of people feel very strongly about, and I am not without my own preferences.  But in lean times, coffee is coffee, and the cheapest coffee I can find is the 34 ounce bin of either Folgers or Maxwell House.  It's not hard to get one of those for $9 or less.  However, like anyone drawn to things that sparkle, I am always intrigued by those 12 ounce foil bags of coffee.  On average, those run about $8 a bag.  Regularly, they go on really good sales, and maybe get as low as $6 a bag.  Sometimes I have a really good coupon for one of those bags--maybe even $2 off 1.  So if the planets are aligned just right, I can get a 12 ounce bag of coffee for $4.  This is very exciting for me (really!) and I think, "Wow, what a deal!  Must... buy... 12 ounce bag..."  You probably see where this is going.  The bag is STILL less of a value than the bin.  It is easy to forget or ignore this reality.  There's probably something psychological about desiring the sale + coupon foil bag over the old-reliable plastic bin.  But even when our irrational and subjective brains are reaching out for the shiny bag of coffee, let your PrC be your objective, unwavering test.

2.  Specific Stores and PrC's.  Sometimes, you can establish your PrC by knowing what certain items go on sale for.  I mentioned 12-packs of Coke getting as low as $2 per.  Other times, you can establish your PrC by knowing what certain stores ALWAYS sell the item for.  For example, I know that the regular price of a 6-pack of boxed raisins is $1 a Walgreens (it may have just recently jumped a quarter to $1.25).  I don't need to wait for a sale or look for a coupon: $1 is my PrC on raisins.  Dollar stores are often good places to establish your PrC's on certain items, especially if you can let go of your love for name-brands (and ambiance, though some dollar stores are not as bad as you might think).

3.  PrC's Per Ounce.  Or pint, or liter, or litre, or whatever.  The point is, try to pay some attention to how much of something you are getting.  For example, the aforementioned dollar stores sometimes sell jars of peanuts.  Seems like a great deal for just a dollar.  Except that the jars are about half the size of the jars that you can usually get for about $2 at places like Walgreens.  Note the coffee illustration, as well.  However, there are some items whose weight I care less about than others.  For example, my PrC for breakfast cereal is $2.  Some boxes have more cereal weight than others.  But I usually eat one or two bowls of cereal for breakfast, regardless of the density of the cereal.  If the cereal is more airy, the milk I consume with it cereal still makes me full.  Also, I sometimes don't care so much about the weight of individually wrapped items.  I know that I'm going to put a pack of fruit snacks in my girls' lunches.  Neither I nor they will notice if that pack is .9 ounces or .75 ounces.  So don't get duped, but don't spend too much time fretting over an ounce or two here or there.

4.  PrC's of $0.  I was once at Aldi and saw a large bin of regular-sized Kit Kat bars marked for 5 cents a piece.  I knew I was seeing something special.  Another customer actually asked an employee if that was the right price.  She said it was.  I thought about buying every Kit Kat in the bin--there were several hundred--and spending the next several months moonlighting as a "Kit Kat fairy," frolicking around the city, blessing strangers and friend alike with Kit Kats.  No doubt, 5 cents for a Kit Kat was a great deal--for anyone in the market for a Kit Kat.  I had to remind myself that I was not.  I know what me and my family want and need to eat.  Those things have PrC's of a positive dollar value.  Everything else has a PrC of $0.  If I pay more than a PrC for an item, be it a $4 box of cereal or a 5-cent Kit Kat, I am NOT getting a good deal.  I am getting scammed.  I am spending money that I have no business spending.  I have found the "PrC of $0" concept to be a good way of reframing seemingly harmless impulse buys and seeing them for what they are: wasteful expenditures that I have no reason to make.

5.  Tiers of PrC's.  This may seem to go against everything I've said about the objective yardstick that is a PrC.  Maybe this isn't so much a caveat to the objectivity of PrC's as it is an advanced teaching.  Anyway, the reality is that for most items, I have both a "high PrC" and a "low PrC".  I've alluded to this already, like with 12-packs of Coke.  $3 is a high PrC.  If I spend more than that on a 12-pack, I have screwed up either in planning or in assessing my need for Coke.  But I also know that sometimes, Coke goes on sale for less than that.  So if money is especially tight, or my Coke reserves are well stocked, I can impose my low PrC on 12-packs of Coke, which is $2.50 or even $2.  Maybe a good tactic for establishing your PrC's is start a little on the high end, and if you regularly see the item for much less than your PrC, then you can adjust it lower.  But do this at home, while watching a baseball game, and NOT at the store in the heat of battle.

All right, savvy shoppers.  One more post, in which I'll offer something of an appendix of resources and a final send off.  Until then...

-THP

Getting Full on Less Dough: the Hungry Preacher's Guide to Savvy Shopping, PART 4

I know that my last post on retail kickbacks was a lot of fun, and insight into their use should give you much confidence as you head into the battle that is saving money on groceries.  Like the crane kick in "The Karate Kid," of retail kickbacks it can be said, "If do right no can defense."  Once you factor in the training you received in PART 1 and PART 2, you are ready to sign up for--and win--the All Valley Karate Tournament.

Of course, YOU are too ambitious to settle for merely winning the tournament, getting the girl, and driving off in your shiny yellow car.  You're thinking ahead, and crying out, "Wait!  Wasn't the crane kick blocked in 'The Karate Kid Part II'?  Wasn't it the drum technique that ended the fight in THAT movie?  And what about the kata technique in 'Part III'?  I still have so much to learn!  Please teach me, Mr. Miyagi!"

To you, prized pupil, I respond twofold.  First, you probably want to dial back on the Karate Kid references--they're kind of weirding me out a little bit.  Besides, the Hungry Preacher already has an alter-ego.  He doesn't need another one.  Second, if you really want to defeat the Cobra Kai once and for all, today is your lucky day.  I'm going to give you a crash course in several different "specialty" deals and tactics that will save you money from Pomona to Okinawa and back again.

BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE:

Also known as "BOGO."  This is one of the most appealing SOUNDING deals, but remember: Don't fall for it unless the average price for the 2 items falls at or below your price ceiling for that item.  For example, my price ceiling for a box of cereal is $2 (maybe $2.50 if you get a few beers in me).  So if a box of cereal that is priced $4.39 goes on BOGO, it's still only borderline worth it for me to pull the trigger.  Always do the math.

Now here's the fun stuff with BOGO sales.  First, most stores let you use 2 coupons on a BOGO: one for each item.  It may seem counterintuitive that you can use a coupon on an item you are getting for free, but this is how it works.  Similarly, you can use a $-off-2 coupon on a BOGO deal; BOGO "counts" as buying 2 items.

What is even wackier is that every now and then, there is a coupon that you can cut out of the paper that says BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE for a product.  Sometimes, before that coupon expires, a retailer will put that same item on a BOGO sale.  Walgreens and CVS (at least) allow you to use the BOGO coupon in conjunction with their BOGO sale, and you end up getting both items for free.  It sounds crazy, but I've done it.  Furthermore, CVS actually issued a statement confirming that combining BOGO coupons with BOGO sales is valid and not shady (my paraphrase).  I have experienced some inconsistency among Walgreens stores on how they deal with the BOGO(squared) paradox, so don't be shocked if your advances are rejected by the local Walgreens manager.

X-DOLLARS OFF A PURCHASE OF Y-DOLLARS OR MORE:

For example, Shop and Save, a St. Louis grocery store, regularly offers $10 off a purchase of $50 or more.  These sales can be tricky, because there are a lot of traps you can fall into.

First, usually the excluded items are, in fact, excluded.  So make sure you're not including those items in your efforts to reach your targeted purchase amount.

Second, you still need to remember your price ceilings.  For this specific deal, you take 20% off every item you put in your cart.  If that reduced figure falls below your price ceiling, great.  On the other hand, if you've been doing the math, and have a bunch of items that still only total around $40 or so, you CAN break through the price ceiling on a few items in order to get the total up over $50.  That can be a slippery slope, though.

Third, when you're keeping the running total of the items in your basket, it's easy (and usually wise) to add a couple of extra items to make sure that you don't come up JUST SHORT of the target amount.  The problem is that every dollar you go over the target amount reduced the percentage that you save on your entire purchase.

Beyond those pitfalls, here are some other tips to remember on X-OFF-Y DEALS:
First, the target amount is usually triggered BEFORE coupons.  So, simplistically, if I'm buying one $50 item at Shop and Save, and have a coupon for $1 off that item, the discount will trigger, and then I can still use my coupon, essentially giving me $10 off my $49 purchase.  This is important to remember at Walgreens and CVS, where they regularly offer X-OFF-Y DEALS (often in the form of Retail Kickbacks) on products that regularly have coupons floating around, like cleaning supplies and Band-Aids.

Second, occasionally companies put out coupons that allow you get to an item entirely free.  This is most common with new products.  X-OFF-Y DEALS are good times to use those coupons, since you're effectively lowering the "Y" amount you need to hit to get your "X" discount.

Third, for the same reason as above, X-OFF-Y DEALS are a good time to make use of mail-in-rebates.  Which brings us to...

MAIL IN REBATES:
There is one rule regarding mail-in-rebates that transcends every other: MAIL THEM IN!  Personally, I find them to be a pain in the butt.  What helps motivate me is knowing that the companies do not want me to get around to mailing them in.  I see it as, "If I don't do this, I have become just another pawn in their profit-making game."  That's usually enough to make it happen on my end.

Logistically, make sure you receive and keep your receipt.  And check the expiration dates on the rebate offers.  Sometimes, a tag attached to the product advertises the rebate, but the valid purchase period has already lapsed.

DOUBLE COUPONS:
Are something of a misnomer, annoyingly so.  In St. Louis, the 2 grocery chains that advertise that they double coupons only double coupons that are up to forty cents.  That was all well and good in the seventies, but coupons and inflation have trended such that the majority of them are for more than forty cents.  In other words, stores that SAY that they double coupons, in actuality, do NOT double the majority of coupons in print.

Worse yet is that no allowance is made for applying some sort of "double-esque" principle to coupons that offer, say, fifty cents off an item.  Contrast this with the Southern California (where I used to live).  There, the maximum value of a coupon that can be doubled is fifty cents.  BUT, if you have a coupon for more than that, the retailer will--though not double it--ADD fifty cents to its total.  So in California, a forty-cent coupon is worth eighty cents, but a sixty-cent coupon is worth $1.10.

Now you have an answer to the riddle, "When is forty higher than fifty?"  Why, when you're using coupons in St. Louis, of course!

All of that said, when browsing ads and sorting coupons, it's worth keeping the doubling principle in mind--at least in the back of your mind.

STACKING COUPONS:
There are 2 kinds of coupons: Manufacturers Coupons (MC) and Store-Issued Coupons (S-IC).  You can almost never use more than 1 MC on an item that you purchase.  BUT, you can usually use 1 MC AND 1 S-IC on the same item.  This is easiest for me to do at Walgreens, because they usually print all the S-IC's for any given week within the ad for that week.  So while I'm looking through the ad, I can just cut out any relevant S-IC's as I go.

It is usually clear on the coupon if it is a MC or S-IC.  Most coupons you'll find in the paper or on the internet are MC's, while most S-IC are specifically within a publication from that retailer.

CLEARANCE ITEMS:
Grocery stores usually have a rack of damaged or discontinued items, weirdly tucked away in a corner of the store behind a freezer.  Walgreens and CVS typically have an end cap or two in the back of the store where they have these kinds of items.  I usually have a quick gander, and can usually tell if there's anything worth grabbing.  Usually there isn't, but sometimes there are some pretty sweet finds.

For example, CVS recently had a box of protein bars marked at 90% off.  That made them twenty cents a piece.  I bought about 15.  They also had some All, Gain, and Arm & Hammer laundry detergents at 75% off.  I had some coupons, and ended up getting about 7 of them for about $1.50 each.

About the coupons: Sometimes, a coupon will not "attach" to a clearance item when it is scanned, because the clearance item has been reprogrammed to scan as something like, "CLEARANCE MERCHANDISE."  Unless a manager tells you otherwise, don't take no for an answer if your coupon matches the item.

Also, every now and then, a clearance item will still trigger a Retail Kickback that is advertised for a similar, non-clearance item.  For example, Walgreens was once offering a $3 Register Reward on Ban roll-on deodorant.  On an end cap, I found a Ban, clinical-strength deodorant marked at around $2.25.  I bought it and, sure enough, the $3 Register Reward kicked back, netting me seventy-five cents AND some deodorant.

One more thing: Target clearance prices usually suck.  A lot of times, they're only like 15% off.  I've seen clearance items at Target actually priced HIGHER than the items by which they are being replaced, because the new items are on sale for 20-25% off.

COUPONS FOR SIMILAR ITEMS:
Most coupons specify the brand, type of product, size of product, how many of the product you need to get, and when the coupon expires.  The only factor of those that is set in stone is "brand."  For everything else, I trust the scanner.  If it scans, I'm cool with that.  If not, I don't make a stink.

That said, it is very rare that an expired coupon will scan; usually, the only time I'll hand an expired coupon to the cashier is by mistake, since it's pretty much just a waste of time to hope that it scans.  It is almost as rare that a coupon will scan if you haven't purchased the amount of items specified on the coupon; it's also not something I bother testing except by accident.

But product type and size are sometimes fluid.  For example, a lot of coupons for shampoo will also work if you are buying that brand's conditioner.  Or if you have a coupon for peanuts and want to use it on mixed nuts, instead.  Or if you have a coupon for the 1-liter size mouthwash, but are buying the .5-liter size.

I have not seen a corporate statement that disparages such coupon usage, and most cashiers and managers seem happy to defer to the computer as all-knowing.  I try not to be too screwy with it and, like I said, if it doesn't scan, I cut my losses and move on.


We're in the homestretch here.  You've done the heavy lifting.  I'm planning to wrap things with an "appendix of resources" on Friday, and maybe one more post squeezed in between now and then.

Until then...

-THP

Getting Full on Less Dough: the Hungry Preacher's Guide to Savvy Shopping, PART 3

Just yesterday, I walked into a Walgreen's store.  I bought a package of "Nasal Ease Homeopathic Allergy Reliever Nasal Powder Spray."  It was on sale for $9, but I had a coupon for $5 off that I had dug up from a weekend coupon insert a few weeks prior.  So I paid $4 out of pocket.  After I paid, I was handed my receipt and one of these bad boys:

That's $9 off a future purchase at Walgreens.  There are a few exclusions on what you can buy with it, and it expires in 2 weeks.  Other than that, it's as good as gold.

In other words, Walgreens paid me $5 to take their nasal spray (which I will probably donate someplace).

This is an example of using coupons in conjunction with what I refer to as "retail kickbacks," or "RK's".  Here is a quick rundown of 4 retailers that regularly offer RK's.

RETAILER:  CVS

SPECIAL NAME OF RK:  "Extra Bucks"

METHOD OF RK:  Extension of your receipt.  They look like gift receipts.  Extra Bucks have bar codes and "tear hear" lines before and after each one that prints.

LIKELIHOOD OF GETTING SOMETHING FOR FREE OR BETTER-THAN-FREE ON A WEEK-TO-WEEK BASIS, TAKING INTO ACCOUNT THE USE OF COUPONS TO SUPPLEMENT THE RK DEAL: High.
MEMBERSHIP REQUIRED?:  Yes.  You've got to show the cashier your card.

EXPIRATION:  Usually 3 weeks after they are printed, but CVS usually accepts expired Extra Bucks at least a month after their expiration date.

PURCHASE LIMITS:  Yes.  Each Extra Buck deal has a limit, and since you have to show your card to get the Extra Bucks, they keep track of whether you've reached your limit.  There are 3 nice things about this, though: 1), there is a "status section" on your receipt that tells you if you've reached your limit for any given Extra Bucks deal; 2), you do not have to buy all of the items that trigger the Extra Bucks deal in one trip.  For example, if the deal is "BUY 4 12 PACKS OF PEPSI AND GET 3 EXTRA BUCKS," I can buy one on Monday at a certain CVS and three more later in the week at a different CVS and still get my Extra Bucks.  But I do need to buy them all within the time frame of the offer; 3), if there is an offer limit of more than one, I can max out my limit in a single transaction.

PRODUCT AVAILABILITY ISSUES?:  Yes.  Especially near the end of a week, CVS may sell out of items with sizable Extra Bucks attached to them.  But CVS has a simple and customer-friendly rain check policy.  Bring the ad to the counter, say, "I need a rain check for this," and the cashier will take care of the rest.  Hold on to the rain check.  It never expires.  You can still use coupons with them.  You'll still get the full Extra Bucks amount printed out.

OTHER NOTES:  CVS's Extra Bucks program is consistent and customer-friendly.  The employees are usually happy to help out with questions and issues.  The purchase limits keep you from stocking up on particular products as much as you may like to, but this overall smoothness of the system makes up for that.

RETAILER:  Walgreens
SPECIAL NAME OF RK:  "Register Rewards"
METHOD OF RK:  Printed out on separate machine.  Sometimes handed to you in a stack of other coupons that print out at your purchase.
LIKELIHOOD OF GETTING SOMETHING FOR FREE OR BETTER-THAN-FREE ON A WEEK-TO-WEEK BASIS, TAKING INTO ACCOUNT THE USE OF COUPONS TO SUPPLEMENT THE RK DEAL:  High.
MEMBERSHIP REQUIRED?:  No.
EXPIRATION:  2 weeks from day of printout.  There is no grace period!  Use them or lose them!
PURCHASE LIMITS:  You can only get one Register Reward for the same product, per transaction.  For example, if the deal is "BUY 1 COLGATE TOOTHPASTE FOR $3, GET $3 IN REGISTER REWARDS," and you buy two tubes in one transaction, you will get one--and only one--$3 Register Reward printed out after you pay.  That said, there is nothing keep you from making multiple trips to Walgreens stores and making as many purchases as you so desire.  BUT, you can NOT use your $3 Register Reward to buy another tube of toothpaste and still get another $3 Register Reward printed out afterwards (there are occasional exceptions to this rule of "no rolling Register Rewards" but don't worry about those).  You CAN use a Register Reward to pay for a DIFFERENT product that triggers a DIFFERENT Register Reward.  Because of this, if one week Walgreens has two products of similar price with the full purchase amount "kicked backed" in the form of a Register Reward, I will sometimes make several Walgreens trips in a single week: I will take my $3 Register Reward for the Colgate, run into another Walgreens and buy (for example) a $3.50 hair brush that has a $3.50 Register Reward kicked backed on it.  I'll pay for the brush with my $3 Register Reward and some change, then get a $3.50 Register Reward printed out.  At my next Walgreens stop, I'll buy another tube of Colgate and a box of dried fruit (to get the total over $3.50), then pay with my $3.50 Register Reward from the brush.  Over the course of a week, if I make 6 quick Walgreens stops, I'll have three tubes of Colgate, three hair brushes (and three boxes of dried fruit) all for just a couple of bucks out of pocket.

PRODUCT AVAILABILITY ISSUES?:  Yes.  And Walgreens does NOT offer rain checks on Register Rewards.  If there is an especially beneficial Register Rewards deal, I will try to make it to Walgreens on Sunday--the first day of the new deals--or risk getting left out in the cold.

OTHER NOTES:  Walgreen's RK system is glitchy and inconsistent compared to CVS's.  Sometimes Register Rewards don't print out when they're supposed to.  Sometimes the bar codes on Register Rewards won't scan when you're trying to use them to make a purchase.  Also, compared to CVS employees, Walgreens employees are often grumpier and less knowledgeable about assisting with their RK's (my experiences seem to be mirrored by others on internet message boards).  I have been told--even by managers--"rules" for Register Rewards that I know for a fact are not true (like, "If you use a coupon to purchase an item, you can't get a Register Reward.")  I have also experienced general grumpiness from cashiers at Walgreens who act like the money I save on using Register Rewards comes straight out of their pocket.  It was once so blatant that I was within an eyelash of actually asking, "Do you have a problem with me?"  That said, I suspect that corporate Walgreens has tried to instill an attitude adjustment in its store employees, because the problems I experience with them seem to be occurring with less frequency.  One trick I have found to be helpful--especially if I have a complicated purchase to make--is to make my transaction at the cosmetics register, even if it means tracking down the cosmetics cashier from somewhere else in the store.  There is usually not a line at the cosmetics counter, so there is less pressure and tension all around if something doesn't go smoothly and needs to be corrected.  Also, I have been told that cosmetic cashiers actually get a commission on certain items that they ring out.  It's amazing what this does for cashiers' cooperativeness!

RETAILER:  Target.

SPECIAL NAME OF RK:  "Target Gift Card" (not very special, I know)

METHOD OF RK:  A gift card loaded and handed to you by the cashier the moment the triggering items are scanned.

LIKELIHOOD OF GETTING SOMETHING FOR FREE OR BETTER-THAN-FREE ON A WEEK-TO-WEEK BASIS, TAKING INTO ACCOUNT THE USE OF COUPONS TO SUPPLEMENT THE RK DEAL:  Low (I've seen it once).
MEMBERSHIP REQUIRED?:  No.

EXPIRATION:  None.

PURCHASE LIMITS:  Sometimes.  Read the fine print.

PRODUCT AVAILABILITY ISSUES?:  Sometimes.  The fine print in ads says "No Rain Checks," but I am not sure if individual stores enforce this policy.

OTHER NOTES:  It's nice that Target gives actual gift cards that work just like any other gift card regarding restrictions and expirations.  But the amount they kick back often just makes the deal "good but not great," and not necessarily worth an extra trip.  I have never seen Target offer an RK of the full purchase amount.

RETAILER:  Grocery stores.
SPECIAL NAME OF RK:  None.
METHOD OF RK:  A coupon printed out after you pay (similar to a Register Reward from Walgreens)
LIKELIHOOD OF GETTING SOMETHING FOR FREE OR BETTER-THAN-FREE ON A WEEK-TO-WEEK BASIS, TAKING INTO ACCOUNT THE USE OF COUPONS TO SUPPLEMENT THE RK DEAL:  Very low (I've never seen it)
MEMBERSHIP REQUIRED?:  No.
EXPIRATION:  Varies.  Sometimes, it's just a few days.  Not likely more than a couple of weeks.
PURCHASE LIMITS:  Usually one RK per transaction.
PRODUCT AVAILABILITY ISSUES?:  Rarely.  Grocery stores have the space to stock up.
OTHER NOTES:  These deals are offered relatively infrequently, and often are triggered by overpriced, name-brand products.  Occasionally, you'll see something like "CEREAL 4/$10, A COUPON FOR $3 BACK ON YOUR NEXT PURCHASE."  That actually makes it worth it, especially if you have some coupons.  Also, the purchase requirements at grocery stores are sometimes pretty broad--something like, "BUY ANY 10 OF THESE 97 PRODUCTS FROM GENERAL MILLS AND GET A COUPON BACK."  If you're wanting to mix and match, it can take some time figuring out exactly which products will trigger the RK.

Finally, here are a few rules/suggestions that are not store-specific but that will help you maximize your RK experience:
1)  Use your RK's!  Don't let them expire.  I have an extra pocket in the front of my coupon caddie for valuable and time-sensitive coupons.  If you do accidentally let one (or a bunch) expire, shake it off.  It happens.  (I also once washed about $15 worth of Register Rewards--turns out "wash survivability" is another way Register Rewards are different from actual currency.)
2)  Make sure you get your RK when you're supposed to.
3)  With rare exceptions, how you pay for an item should NOT affect the "triggering" of a RK.  For example, using coupons or gift cards should have no affect on getting a RK.  This is not my rule, but the rules issued by the various retail corporations.  (Yes, they do that.)
4)  If you do not get your RK, find out why.  If the cashier cannot figure it out, ask to see a manager.  If the manager cannot figure it out, politely say that you'd be fine just voiding part or all of your transaction.  Don't say it all snooty as though you're trying to pressure them.  And don't feel bad about it.  I've done it a half a dozen times or so--probably 2 of those were because I misread the fine print (i.e., the fault was with me) and the others were because the computer wouldn't spit out what it was supposed to, and the employees couldn't or wouldn't override it.  In that case, I still try to let the employees save face, and say something like, "I'm sorry.  I guess I misunderstood how this works.  I can just return this item if it's not part of the deal."
5)  Do NOT use your RK's to "treat yourself" (or anyone, really) to something that you wouldn't have bought already.  This is easier said than done.  Something deep within us feels like, "Oh, I just made $1 profit to take these adult undergarments--I'll use my $3 RK for a bag of Hershey's kisses!"  Don't.  Don't, don't, don't.
6)  There are some ethically questionable ways of using coupons.  Navigating RK's is not one of them.  It FEELS like you're stealing when you "get paid" to take an item.  It is not.  The retailers know that many customers combine coupons with RK's to make a profit.  On one occassion, Walgreens even had a big endcap set up to display a new Bayer aspirin product.  "PAY $3, GET $3 IN REGISTER REWARDS," the sign said.  Stuck right next to that was a big pad of $1-off-one coupons with the sign, "SAVE EVEN MORE!"
7)  RK's are almost always advertisted in the weekly ads for these stores.

That's the scoop on retail kickbacks. It might seem like a lot, but navigating RK's on a weekly basis is probably as lucrative as couponing in general. Toothpaste and shaving products are especially discounted with RK's. I estimate that over the last 3 years, I have spent a net of $0 on toothpaste. That includes the several dozen tubes I have either given away or have in my closet. And I have probably spent about $.25 per razor cartridge--and we're talking lots of name-brands, with 3, 4, and 5 blades per cartridge.

Next up I'll walk you through some other types of specicialized coupons and sales for even more savings off your monthly food budget.

Until then...

-THP

Getting Full on Less Dough: the Hungry Preacher's Guide to Savvy Shopping, PART 2

"A well-used coupon is as good as cash.  Treat it as such."
     -The Hungry Preacher, 2012

By the way, quoting yourself is a great way to broach a topic on a blog AND at a party (more on that in my series on social savviness).

So, coupons.  I'll try to remember that figuring out coupons for some people is like figuring out computers for people like me: very intimidating, and you'll always feel like what you DON'T know is more important than what you DO know.

A couple of differences, though:
-The "rules" of coupons are fairly stagnant.  It's not like new technology is always coming out, rendering your knowledge obsolete
-A little bit of knowledge of couponing can, in fact, provide you with a little bit of help.  In contrast, I have found that a little bit of knowledge with computers usually just means that I will spend an extra 10 minutes poking around before I end up calling an expert.

It also might help to attack head-on the scariest thing about coupons: Being "that guy" (or girl).  "That guy" is the one who is at the front of a long line to check out, holding a stack of coupons, while the cashier is trying to figure out why the machine won't scan one of them.  The cashier is squinting at the fine print, then digging through your bags trying to find an item that matches the coupon.  Your kids are squirming, the kids of the people behind you are squirming, kids all over the world are squirming, and their parents all know that it's your fault.  You just want to empty your wallet on the counter, cry "keep it" and run to your car, leaving behind your purchases or even your kids.

First off, I've been that guy, and you're right: it's no fun.

Second, I survived.  So can you.  If you do your homework, and something goes wrong at the checkout, that's fine.  It happens.  You don't need to act entitled, rude, or demanding.  But you DO have a right to know why your coupon isn't working.  The fault may be with you, but even if it is, you still have the right to have the cashier explain what the problem is.  Don't apologize for that, and don't feel bad about it.  Your job is to save money for your family.  Don't let the stinkeye from strangers or a grumpy cashier keep you from doing that.

Over that hump?  Good.  On to couponing proper.

Since I don't know exactly what might work for you, I'll tell you what works for me, and let your pick which of these bull's horns you want to take and run with.

We begin bright and early on Saturday morning.  I hop out of bed at 6:00, put on my robe, and fetch the morning paper.

A couple of those details are embellished, but the important thing is that I do, in fact, get the paper delivered to my home on weekends.  It only takes a couple of bucks worth of coupons for the paper to pay for itself.  Then, hey, free paper!

Each weekend, there are anywhere from zero (usually on holiday weekends) to three booklets of coupons.  I pull out the booklets and set them aside.  Then I wait for either a baseball game or a football game to be on television.  That is prime clipping time, since clipping is a pretty mindless task and I would be watching the games anyway.

Once a game is on, I flip through the pages and mentally categorize each coupon into one of three categories:
1.  I have a high chance of using this before it expires.
2.  I have a low chance of using this before it expires, but I might use it if this item goes on some ridiculous sale.
3.  I have virtually no chance of using this coupon.

If a coupon is in the first category, I cut it out--right along the dotted line--and put it in a pile.  This pile will get sorted into my coupon caddie that I carry with me when I shop.

a stack like this...

turns into piles like these...

to get filed into this

If a coupon is in the second category, I do a "quick cut".  Basically, I separate it from other coupons, but don't really care about cutting along the lines.  If it's the only coupon on the page, I don't cut it all.  If it's on the top half, I quickly cut the page across the middle.  These pages get filed into a plastic, portable filing case.  I don't carry this case into stores with me, but sometimes keep it in the car.

some "quick cut" pages to be filed

Later, if I'm going through ads and see something on some crazy sale--like, if they're literally giving something away (more on that later)--I'll circle the item in the ad, then look through my file box to see if I've got a coupon in there that may even allow me to make a profit on an item.

If a coupon is in the third category, I drop it in the recycling bag.

Once I've cut out all the category 1 coupons, I sort them into new piles by type in order to sort them into my coupon caddie.  My caddie has 12 slots.  Here are how I catagorize them:

DEODERANT, SHAVING, & MOUTHCARE
ALL OTHER PERSONAL CARE PRODUCTS
CLEANING
CEREAL, BREAD, & GRAINS
SNACKS & MEALBARS
BEVERAGES
SAUCES, SIDES, & TOPPINGS
TOILET PAPER, TISSUES, & PAPER TOWELS
ALL OTHER PAPER PRODUCTS
FROZEN FOOD (this category trumps other categories; e.g., a frozen snack food goes in here)
MEAT & SOUP
DAIRY

That's it.  Every coupon fits into one of those categories.

My file box of category 2 "quick cut" coupons is a little more segregated.  I've got 15 files:
AIR CARE (things like Glade plug-ins, odor eaters, etc.)
BEVERAGE
CLEANING
DEODERANT & SHAVING
DIGESTION
DOGS & CARS
EATING OUT
EYE CARE
FOOD
HAIR CARE
LOTION & CLEANSER
MAKE UP
MEDICINE (INGESTED) (this is for all ingested treatments that do not relate to digestion)
MEDICINE (SKIN & CUT)
MISC
MOUTH CARE
PAPER (TOILET PAPER, TISSUE, & PAPER TOWELS)
PAPER (OTHER)
SOAP & BODY WASH
VITAMINS & SUPPLEMENTS

There are a few products that could make a case for dual-citizenship, like make up products that double as lotion.  But there really are only a few.

Each coupon booklet takes me about 20 minutes to go through.  Again, these are usually 20 minutes that I would have spent just sitting on the counch watching sports.

So if you put in an hour a week in this manner, in just a few weeks you'll have a pretty good stash of both "quick access" and "on file" coupons.  Around the end of each month, I take another hour and flip through all my coupons to pull out the expired ones.

Caddie and Boxy: I wouldn't exactly call them "friends," but there's a mutual respect

Friend, you are not a coupon geek.  Welcome to the club.  Now that you've got your foundation, you're ready for intermediate couponing, where I'll share some very specific tricks and tips to help you maximize your coupon's effectiveness.  Until then...

-THP

Getting Full on Less Dough: the Hungry Preacher's Guide to Savvy Shopping, PART 1

When not preaching for food, I sometimes acquire food for myself and my family the old fashioned way: the surrendering of legal currency to vendors of food. Over the years, I have practiced various tips and tricks to reduce the amount of money I need to spend on these regular food purchases.

I know there are other hungry preachers out there--some literal, some figurative--and while I cannot "give them a fish," perhaps I can "teach them to fish." Or, if I dare to balance the line between literal and metaphorical language (and you know I do!), I can "teach them to get the best possible price for fish from people who already know how to fish and successfully do so." So if you put on your listening ears, I'll put on my Yoda ears, and we'll have ourselves a good-old-fashioned paying forward of wisdom and experience, all in convenient blog form.

Let me quickly note that I realize that some people have the NEED to save money, and some people have the DESIRE to save money. Sometimes, those are the same people. Sometimes, they are not.

If you are someone with the need AND the desire to save money, I hope that my thoughts are helpful and my tone is compassionate. If you have the need and NOT the desire--well, I hope that some of what I write has the effect of "tough love"; it may be time to step up. In other words, I would like the very same words to seem simultaneously compassionate and confrontational, each in measures appropriate to the needs of the individual reader. Easy, right?

Today, I'll start off with some simple but foundational rules to embroid onto your reusable shopping bags. In the days that follow, I'll get into specifics regarding things like couponing and where to find the cheapest of certain products.

Shopping bootcamp starts now:

1. See Shopping as a Part-time Job. Let's say you added an extra 15 hours a month to the time that you spend planning and shopping. That probably seems like a lot. But I would guess that the average shopper for a family of 4 can turn that 15 hours of work into about $100 saved. That's actually not a bad return, if you figure it as a tax-free, hourly salary, with very flexible and multi-taskable hours. Such a perspective can help with motivation.

2. Shop Anywhere. If you practice "one stop shopping," you will pay more than you would if you strategically shop around. Of course, if it's worth it to you to take some of your food money each month and use it to buy time, convenience, or atmosphere (the things you gain by "one stop shopping")--by all means, have at it. Just make sure you realize that you ARE paying for those things, and that you are OK with making that purchase, so to speak.

3. Chuck Brand Loyalty. Sometimes brands matter, and we all have our name-brand splurges. I buy Crisco cooking spray because the capless spray-top is just to-die-for. Suggestion: Give yourself 5 products that you get to pick your brand on, and maybe another 10 that have brands that you WON'T buy. If money is tight each month, and yet there 37 items that you just HAVE to have in a certain brand... well, there's a disconnect. You've got to either adjust how much money you make or adjust your tastes. It took me a while to realize that I don't have a RIGHT, say, to buy only French's mustard or to never shop at Aldi. If I don't have money, I don't get to make those choices.

4. Establish Price Ceilings. A price ceiling is the low but reasonable dollar value you know you can regularly buy something for with sales and/or coupons. For example, my price ceiling on 12-packs of soda is $3. Without too much effort, I know I can usually get a 12-pack for this figure. Know the price ceiling. Commit to the price ceiling. If an item is on sale AND you have a coupon--BUT the final price is STILL above your price ceiling, then run away! Yell, "Go away, you filthy tempters! I am committed to the price ceiling!" Also, remember that the price ceiling is, in fact, a ceiling--if you stock up and practice patience, you can usually pay less than the price ceiling for an item (for example, 12-packs can often be had for $2.50 or even $2.00).

5. Look at Ads. The drugstores and the big supermarkets put out ads early in the week. Monday or Tuesday, I flip through them, and circle any items that are on sale for an amount at or below my price ceiling. (For circling, I've found that black ink stands out better than red or blue.) If I suspect I may have coupons for an item, I'll circle it even if it's a little above my price ceiling. Then I grab a pad of paper, flip back through the ads, and list out the items I've circled in each ad in a centralized manner. I end up with something like this, which helps me to see at a glance if it is worth making it to a particular store any given week.

Checkmarks mean I may have a coupon for that item

These are 5 foundational rules to get you started. In the next few posts, I'll elaborate on some of these, as well offer some specifics in other areas. But if you can follow these 5, you are well on your way to being a slightly-less-hungry preacher.

-THP

THP's THPs ("Tips for Happy Parenting"), PART 3

Read PART 1 here, and/or PART 2 here.  Up to speed?  Great!  Pay it forward, and read on...

All caught up?  Great.  Read on...

GROUP C: Working & Learning
7. Song Lyric Packets. Everybody loves children's songs, especially when they are played over and over and over, and you happen driving in traffic or snow or both.  Strangely, there is actually another genre of music that I generally prefer over children's songs: grown up songs.

What I have discovered is that my children seem to enjoy grown up songs, too--perhaps even more than I enjoy children's songs.  My integration of grown up songs into their musical consciousness has been gradual and calculated.  I started off with songs that I was sure would be crowd pleasers, like "Pop Goes the World" by Men Without Hats and "MMMBop" by Hanson.  I also let them watch (carefully screened) music videos on Yahoo, so as to get them doubly excited about certain songs.

Later, I realized that having the lyrics would help the monkeys enjoy the songs even more AND help them with their reading skills.  The structure of the packet evolved, but this is the finished product:

There are two of them.  I let the monkeys choose the color of the paper.  I bought a $20 Scotch laminating machine at Walgreens, which was cheaper than having FedEx do it; the machine worked well.  Beth had a scrapbooking tool that rounded the corners so they weren't pokey.  Each page has 2 songs that begin with the same letter, so that the sheets can be organized alphabetically, even if the songs within each letter are not in order.  I copied lyrics from online into a Word document so I could format consistently and print them out all together.

So now on car trips longer than 15 minutes or so, we take turns picking songs from an itunes playlist of about 95 songs, about 25 of which have their lyrics printed out for the girls to sing along with.

Yes, Springsteen is represented on the list: "Long Walk Home" and "American Land" are their favorites.  There is also a good sampling of Christian music on both the playlist and lyric packet, which has prompted several good theological discussions with my girls (like when my younger one asked, "What does it mean to be 'sweetly broken'?").  My older one is currently most into "MMMBop" and "Rocky Mountain High," while my younger one has been interested in "Let My Love Open the Door" and "Song of Hope".  Oh, and I'm pretty sure that my 6-year-old has a crush on Rob Thomas.  Which, if I'm being perfectly honest, I can relate to.  There, I said it.

8. Plate Storage. When we moved into our new house, one of my first organizational tasks was finding homes for all of our dishes and utensils.  Without even giving it much thought, I put as many dishes and plates at a level where they could be accessed by my children.  Of course, if they were toddlers with grabby hands, things might have been different.  But my girls were just the right age take on jobs around the house like--oh, I don't know--unloading the dishwasher.

It just made sense.  We run a load of dishes every day or two, and unloading is pretty low on my list of favorite jobs around the house.  When one of my daughters asks if she can watch something or play Wii, my answer is almost always, "Unload the dishwasher first."  It's like having a robot, but one that won't go crazy and try to kill me.

9. Historical Action Figures.  The principle behind #7 above is that if the girls are going to enjoy music, they may as well enjoy music that is enjoyed by the entire family.  Similarly, the idea behind tip #9 is that if the girls are going to play with dolls, they may as well learn while doing it.  Hence, the introduction of historical action figures.

The long and the short of it is that there's a company out in Seattle that manufactured these, and I stumbled across one of them on Amazon--I think Ben Franklin was the first I saw.  The company that makes them is called "Accoutrements", and in addition to historical action figures, they make other awesome stuff like candy bacon jewelry and a sleep mask with zombie eyes printed on the outside.  I eventually purchased every figure I could find (I think I have every one that has been made except for Pope Innocent III).  They're action figures, but they are people from history.  Here are about a third of them.

back row: Mozart, Alexander the Great, Blackbeard, Anne Bonney, Van Gogh;  middle row: Moses, Wilde, Wagner; front row: Cleopatra, Marie Antoinette (w/ removable head), Annie Oakley, Austin, Houdini

Instead of just turning the kids loose on them, we spent some time putting together an informational chart that they can refer to while they're playing.  On the packaging is printed a short bio, often with a few interesting facts.  Here's an example:

Now, as awesome as these action figures are, there are several disclaimers that need to be mentioned:
-It appears that many of them are out of production.  I got most of them for less than $10 each, and some of them are still that cheap.  But some are clearly priced for collectors ($80 for an Edgar Allen Poe doll, anyone?).
-A lot of them contain small parts, like hats or guns or paintbrushes.  Make sure your kid knows not to eat them.
-Though they're called "action figures" they're kind of built more for "standing still."  About 3 of ours have limbs that have broken off.  Be warned.
-The company also makes action figures of professions and fictional characters.  I have limited our purchases to specific, historical figures.  Just my preference.


With that, we conclude our series of Tips for Happy Parenting, Hungry Preacher Style.  I hope they were at least enjoyable, and perhaps even helpful.  Until next time...

-THP

Fifty Percent Is Half the Battle

Actually, most of the time, when I FEEL like I'm fifty percent done with something, I'm actually not quite fifty percent done, so maybe it's more accurate to say, "Fifty percent is about two-fifths of the battle."

I'm referring to tasks.  Or, in this case, goals.  Six of them that I shared with readers of WPFF a few months ago, written out on actual e-paper.  These were those goals:

1.  Blog at least 2x a week.
2.  Finish landscaping and lawn-tending that needs to take place in the fall.
3.  Sort through the boxes of art that my children have created the last couple of years.
4.  Become social again, scheduling at least one lunch or coffee a week.
5.  Visit the girls' school at least 3x.
6.  Burn at least 3 DVD's of video from our computer so as to erase the data and free up disk space.

Since a list of goals isn't any good if you don't go back and see where you came up short, let's review:

1.  Blog at least 2x a week.
I was probably about 2x a week until the Christmas holidays blindsided me--they should totally put those things on a calendar or something so people know when they're coming.  I ended up taking about 4 weeks between posts, but it was the worst kind of time off--the kind that you don't give yourself until afterwords, so instead of relaxing about taking a break, you stress about not being more diligent until you're finally like, "I guess I took a break."  I think the goal was good, and I think 2 posts a week is reasonable for the foreseeable future.  I THINK I'm learning how to do this better, though who can know these things for sure?
Level of Completion: Close

2.  Finish landscaping and lawn-tending that needs to take place in the fall.
There's one bag of mulch that I keep hoping that I have already spread around our lone, backyard tree, then forgot that I did it.  Unfortunately, my lack of any memory of doing this task has proven to be completely accurate.  Still, each morning I look out the back window and hope.

Aside from that, fall landscaping was very successful-ish.  I did some mulching, some spreading of grass seed, some fertilizing, and some mowing-in-lieu-of-raking.  I even remembered to completely drain our rain barrel so that it wouldn't crack from freezing water inside.
Level of Completion: Very close

3.  Sort through the boxes of art that my children have created the last couple of years.
My daughters are more prolific artists than I am a writer--or really than I am anything.  I made it through quite a bit of their art, and I've got a "keeper pile".  But they keep making more.  I can't stop them.

What I have learned with this goal (and number 6) is that it's pretty hard for me to make time to do projects that take a little bit time each day, with the fruit of any given daily efforts being virtually negligible.  I don't think I'm special in that way.  I just need to redouble my efforts; or, what's it called after you've already redoubled your efforts once, then need to redouble them again?  Is that retripling?  Or is it exponential, so as to become requadrupling?
Level of Completion: Not very close.

4.  Become social again, scheduling at least one lunch or coffee a week.
It probably helped that I had initially thought I had written down TWO lunches a week, so I got off a pretty fast start.  Even though I slowed down a little, I still ended the semester having averaged even more than 1 meeting a week.  Mission accomplished: I am fully social.
Level of Completion: Full

5.  Visit the girls' school at least 3x.
I adjusted "what counted" with this one, and included chaperoning field trips as well as being "the heavy" at the girls' after-school Lego club.  Plus I had one full-fledged, sit-in-on-the-classroom visit.  All told, there were about 6 experiences of participation with the girls' school.
Level of Completion: Full

6.  Burn at least 3 DVD's of video from our computer so as to erase the data and free up disk space.
As with number 3 above, this "little at a time" task proved difficult to make time for.  A couple of funny things about this goal, though:
-I actually enjoy doing it
-I don't think it's going to take THAT much time
I did an hour's worth of editing today, and made a decent dent.  I think doing 3 hours a week could put me on course to finish within a month or two at most.  It would be VERY nice to have all of our video edited and cataloged.  I just need to make it happen.
Level of Completion: Not very close, but maybe closer than I think

So, this concludes the looking back segment of my fall, 2011 goals, and the results are mixed.  Maybe I came in at a little over 50%, which amounts to half the battle (since finishing the battle always takes a little more time than I think it will).  Good for a batting average, not so good for an ACT score.  In a week or so, I'll look forward again and lay out a new set of spring semester goals (which will include some rehashed fall semester goals as well as some new ones).

Thanks for reading.

-THP

More Practical Than a Barrel of Monkeys

This is the year that we've finally decided to "go green" in our efforts to water our lawn.  Prior to this, our efforts had always been characterized as "theoretical" or "impeded by a lack of a functional sprinkler and/or my suspicion that the coiled hose may be a home to spiders".  But "green" is the new "it's supposed to rain again in a few days I think", so there's really only one choice for watering our lawn: a rain barrel.

I learned about the existence of rain barrels a couple of months ago when Beth asked me to get one, and now--not to brag--I probably know more about rain barrels than about 70% of your friends.  Here's a few things I learned about rain barrels and their installation:

1)  rain barrels are designed to catch rain during the rainy season, which they then store for their owner to dispense through their spigots during the dry season

2)  Lowe's and Home Depot sell out of them pretty quickly, but...

3)  you can buy them online and, even though they are larger than anything I've ever bought that is not a car or a house, they can still be shipped for free

4)  how much you pay for a rain barrel is largely related to looks; pretty rain barrels are more expensive than ugly ones.

5)  this is what an installed rain barrel looks like:

"But where does the tube lead?"

To the gutter, of course!  (Tube not included.  Really.)

6)  sawing out a middle section of the downspout of your gutter with a hacksaw FEELS very weird and wrong.  Even after I was sure that the installation instructions were telling me to do this, I was incredibly self-conscious about it and found myself hoping that my neighbors weren't watching me through their window, getting ready to run out and ask me if I was crazy.  I think I would have answered, "I know this LOOKS crazy, and it FEELS crazy in my heart, but my head is pretty sure that this 8.5" x 11" printout is telling me to do this, so in answer to your question, I'm kind of torn--what do YOU think?"  Not wanting to have this exchange, I tried to saw as quickly and quietly as I could, which was difficult because...

7)  sawing out a middle section of the downspout of your gutter with a hacksaw is VERY loud and unpleasant sounding.  The weight of the downspout on the side of the sliding hacksaw makes for a nails-on-chalkboard type screech, and the hollow tubing acts like a megaphone to alert the world that some madman is sawing up his house.  Indeed, if I was a gutter and someone was trying to saw a chunk out of my middle, the sound that I would hope to make is identical in type and volume to the sound that WAS actually made by the gutter that I was sawing.  I found myself wanting to say to the gutter in a hushed but urgent voice, "Shut UP!  This isn't making it any easier for either of us!"

So now, we wait.  We wait for the barrel to fill up and for the rain to stop.  Then the timing will be perfect, and I will water the lawn--with rain water!  What will they think of next?  A root system that grows out of the bottom of your rain barrel underneath the ground all throughout the area of your lawn, so that the water from the barrel is automatically used as needed without any additional effort from its owner?  Hmm?  Maybe?

-THP

MacGyver, Trainer of Househusbands

I watched a lot of MacGyver growing up and, like a lot of 14 year-old-boys, learned a lot about the dangers of guns and the ease of making explosive devices out of household items.  I can safely say, though, that I did NOT see my MacGyver-based education as preparation for being a househusband.  (Come to think of it, I actually didn't even see my high school practical arts class as preparation for being a househusband.)

But who can predict these things?  A househusband I am, and one ability that has come in handier than I thought it would is using things for purposes other than what they were designed for.  Thank you, MacGyver.  And now, in an attempt to pay it forward, I will share 5 of those creative re-appropriations with you.

I can't promise any of these out-of-the-box solutions will address any problems that you have.  Or that there are not better solutions than the ones I came up with.  Neither can I take any responsibility for any physical injury that may occur to your person while attempting to imitate the solutions that I have discovered and now share with you.  If you accept these conditions, read on...

1.  PAPER SHREDDER TRASH CAN.
What We Lacked: A sufficient number of trash cans.
What We Had: Two extra collection bins from old paper shredders that kicked the bucket on us.
What We Did: Take a deep breath, 'cause this is gonna blow your mind.  You know how trash cans are kind of like big round cups that you can put plastic bags in to collect trash?  So, it turns out, are the removable bins for paper shredders.  The transition from one to another was a two step process: First, we lined the bin with a plastic bag.  Second, instead of putting paper shreds in the bin (this is the pivotal step), we put regular old trash in it.
How Effective Has This Been?  Extremely.
Have There Been Any Drawbacks to this Solution?  Nope.
The Visual Evidence:

"This is a shredder basket!  How could one ever transform this into a trash can?"

"Oh, I see.  Brilliant, truly brilliant."

How Impressed Would MacGyver Be on a Scale of 1 to 5 Feathered-Back Mullets?  One (he MIGHT let me use the fish scaler on his Swiss army knife under close supervision).

2.  STAIR TRACTION PADS FOR DOGS.
What We Lacked: A way for our arthritic dog to walk up the stairs.  His paws slipped on the hardwood stairs, and he would panic, frozen and sprawled out over three stairs, until someone came to rescue him.
What We Had: A $20 area rug from Kmart and a some rubber pads to keep rugs from sliding on floors.
What We Did: I measured the depth of each step and width of our dog's stride, and figured out how many rectangles I could cut from the carpet-rug that I had purchased so that each stair could be covered, effectively creating a "walking dog lane" in our stair case.
How Effective Has This Been?  Very.
Have There Been Any Drawbacks to This Solution?  A couple.  To begin with, apparently Cutco kitchen scissors are actually MORE effective at cutting pennies than they are carpet.  They wow you with that penny cutting demonstration during the sales pitch, and you think you could cut your way out of Alcatraz.  Maybe you could, unless the bars were made of carpet.  Fortunately, our friends at Cutco were not very probing in determining why we thought our scissors needed replacing as per their lifetime warranty (though "cutting rectangles for dog stair-traction" was not given as a reason why the warranty would be voided, so it may not have mattered).  So Cutco is to knife warranties as Jansport is to backpack warranties.  Also, while the rectangles don't slide, they do sometimes flip when children or other dogs are not being overly concerned with disturbing the carpet rectangle placement.  Also, the non-professionally cut-but-not-bound edges of the rectangles tend to fray.
The Visual Evidence:

Imagine how sad this dog would look if he wasn't laying at the bottom of the stairs by choice, but by necessity.

How Impressed Would MacGyver Be on a Scale of 1 to 5 Feathered-Back Mullets?  Two (would probably not be embarrassed to introduce me to Jack as "a friend")

3.  HANGER HOOKS.
What We Lacked: A way to hang plastic bags from our recycling bins.
What We Had: Plastic Hangers.
What We Did: I got to use my all time favorite tool to cut away most of the non-hook part of the hanger.  Then I drilled a hole into the bin and threaded the hook through the hole from the inside out.
How Effective Has This Been?  Very.
Have There Been Any Drawbacks to This Solution?  No.  And did I mention I got to use my all time favorite tool?
The Visual Evidence:



How Impressed Would MacGyver Be on a Scale of 1 to 5 Feathered-Back Mullets?  3 (would recommend me for internship position at the Phoenix foundation).

4.  SHOWER CURTAIN ROD HOLDERS FOR SLIDING DOOR SHOWERS.
What We Lacked: A way to hold our shower curtain rod in front of our sliding shower doors.  It seems most people who have sliding glass shower doors don't feel the need to have a curtain hanging in front of those doors.  And the frame that holds the sliding doors does NOT lend itself to supporting or having-attached-to-itself-a-way-of-supporting a shower curtain rod.  So most people with sliding doors probably just get used to watching themselves shower in the large mirror on the other side of the bathroom.  Then there's us (foreshadowing!).
What We Had: A wire shelf with strong wires that would not compromise their shape under pressure, but that COULD be bent when subjected to the proper force.
What We Did: I got to use my all time favorite tool, and cut what was essentially a 3-inch wide wire shelf from the several-foot wide shelf that we had.  Then I did a lot of bending--probably more wire-shelf bending than most folks do in their whole lifetime.  But the end result was a shower curtain rod holder that was strong enough not to bend over time, but did not compromise the sliding door frame with screws that would likely rust and/or loosen over time.
How Effective Has This Been?  Very.
Have There Been Any Drawbacks to This Solution?  It could probably look a little nicer, and the ends of the wires that I cut have rusted since they were no longer protected by the plastic coating on the rest of the shelf.  But it's been about a year and the curtain has not demonstrated significant sagging.
The Visual Evidence:

This unsuspecting shelf used to be three inches longer before it met up with my all time favorite tool

How Impressed Would MacGyver Be on a Scale of 1 to 5 Feathered-Back Mullets? 4 (he would not hesitate to turn me loose on Murdoc).

5. ENERGY DRINK BOTTLE HEADPHONE HOLDER.
What We Lacked: An easy way to wrap our many headphones and hands-free units for phones and ipods.
What We Had: Energy drink bottles.
What We Did: I drilled a couple of holes in the bottle, threaded the headphone cord through one of them, wrapped the cord around the bottle, and then tucked the end of the cord into the other hole.
How Effective Has This Been?  TBD, but I'm optimistic.
Have There Been Any Drawbacks to This Solution?  Also TBD.  I will say that the edges of the holes that I drilled were a little sharper and more frayed than I anticipated they would be, so I had to file and/or trim them down a little.
The Visual Evidence:

This is actually not staged.  I reached into our bin of headphones and this is what came out.

I'm sure you're wondering, "How does he find the energy to plan and execute such massive undertakings?"  My little secret...

A skeptical reader may think, "Oh, I didn't know that willpreachforfood.com was a dictionary site.  'Cause this seems to be the definition of 'more trouble than it's worth'.  Boo-yah!"  I see where you're coming from, skeptical reader.  But through the years, I have slowly become aware of how rare it is to find a good, small, effective, and easy-to-use cord wrapper.  Some headphones even come with their own wrappers.  I have found these to be flimsy and hard-to-use.  And a plain old cylinder--like a pen or a cylinder that you would find a the cylinder store--are hard to tuck both ends of the headphones into in a such a way that they don't come unwound AND don't get tangled.  The long and the short of it is that in MY experience, a headphone wrapper is what the classic mouse trap would be if it was never invented.  So the energy bottle cord wrapper may just be that metaphorical mousetrap.  The transformation was pretty easy: Drill a couple of holes.  And the usage?  Since still pictures don't capture the ease of use, here is a video.  The background music really captures the essence of what background music should be.  And keep in mind that once you initially thread the pluggy part of the cord through the bottle, you probably won't have to do that again, and that threading step, you'll see, is clearly the most time consuming part of the process.  So, without further ado:

How Impressed Would MacGyver Be on a Scale of 1 to 5 Feathered-Back Mullets? 5 (he would look me straight in the eye and tell me, "From now on, I want you to call me 'Angus'.")

And remember: Don't thank me.  Thank MacGyver.

-THP

Life as a Closet Reformer

About 2 weeks ago, after much consideration, we decided to abandon our collection of inefficient and eclectic means of closet storage for an ultra-efficient and streamlined new Elfa closet system we got on sale at "The Container Store".  To save some cash, we did NOT pay them to install the system, choosing instead of do it ourselves.

Neither the project nor this post are terribly profound, and I'm posting about this largely because it took a lot of time and, as such, is an honest answer to "What have you been up to?", at least for a week or two.

But I WOULD like to provide more than just a visual record of what I've been up to (which you will find if you scroll down).  I want this post to be informative and well as helpful in a practical way.  So, before I get to the pictures and video, here is my first edition of "Tips to Make It Easier," painting edition.

A bit of background: I hate painting.  I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.  I get so mad at the paint itself, what with it seldom doing its job the first time around.  It's all like, "Spread me on again, Rob!  Just one coat of me won't be enough."  I'm like, "Paint, you've got one job: Cover whatever it is that I'm painting with whatever color you are."  If paint were an employee, how long do you think before the boss would get tired of, "Sure, I'll do what you ask.  In fact, I'll do it twice, because the first time I will not do it in a sufficient manner."  But I have found that most people are like, "That's just paint."  I call it "mediocrity."  And then there's the clean up.  It's like the paint suddenly decides it's going to be all "Oh, you want me to cover stuff thoroughly?  How about your brush?  Or your roller?"  So paint, in short, is hard to get on where you want it and hard to get off where you don't.

So that's my take on paint, the necessary evil that it is.  With that in mind, here are some time and effort saving tips when dealing with this menace we call "paint."

1.  Use lots of paint on the roller.  So called "experts" will say not to do this.  I say throw caution to the wind.  The more paint on the roller, the fewer trips back to the paint well.  If it's blobby, just roll and roll and roll until it's not blobby anymore.  I have tried the minimalist approach and, when I do, inevitably the time between the roller touching the wall and me thinking, "I need more paint on this," is about eight-tenths of a second.  Slop it on, I say.  The more you use, the more you effectively...

2.  Put on both coats at once.  "If it looks too thin, roll it again."  Paint dries fast these days, so by the time you finish that next few feet of walls, the last few feet are probably dry enough to have more paint caked on.  Seriously, who wants to sit around and wait for paint to dry?  In my experience, you don't really have to.  It's dry enough.

3.  Toss the roller.  I don't mean in the air or at the wall, though that would be cool.  No, in the trash.  It's not worth cleaning out.  They're cheap.  And next time you paint, you'll probably pull out that old, used roller and decide that you want a new one for this job anyway.  Used rollers, no matter how "clean", are icky.  This works with brushes, too, but those tend to be more expensive, so weigh the cost more thoroughly.

4.  Line the painting tray.  Reynolds Wrap makes a slow cooker liner that you can put in your slow cooker before you cook so you don't have to clean it afterwords.  The same principle works with paint trays--though those, too, are HIGHLY disposable.  But if you want to reuse, line it.  I had to do the last wall the day after doing the first 3 walls, so there was just a little bit left to do.  I put 2 Target bags in the tray and poured the paint on top of them.  Had I been doing a big job, this would have been pretty annoying to work with (the bags got bunchy pretty quick), but it was well worth it for the 30 minutes or so that I had left to paint.  When you're done, the bags go in the trash, and the tray is clean enough to eat off of.

5.  Use cardboard "guards" for rolling close to the ceiling.  Beth did the edging of the closet, and I did the rolling.  My goal was to roll as close to the floor and ceiling as I could so that there would not remain a thin but discernible strip of underpainted wall between the edging and the rolling.  The problem is that the roller is round.  So that part of the roller that touches the wall is NOT the part of the roller that is closest to touching the ceiling, by a good couple of centimeters.  (If this is blowing your mind, feel free to skip to #6.)  But, without having your eye right at the ceiling, it's hard to see how close the roller is to actually touching the ceiling.  Enter cardboard flap from a box.  Hold the flap flat against the ceiling, with the edge even with the wall.  With the other hand, roll right up to the ceiling (or adjacent wall, or floor).  The roller will hit the cardboard, not the ceiling, and you will know that you covered as much wall as possible with the roller.

6.  Fingers can be brushes.  When I got done, after I had cleaned everything, I noticed one little white spot right above the door frame.  Did I want to get out a brush to touch it up and then have to clean up a brush?  You bet I did NOT.  So I used my finger, and also a Q-tip.  I wouldn't probably do that in the middle of the wall, but in a spot that is almost completely out of sight, it worked like a charm.

7.  Wash the brushes, trays, rollers, etc., while you're showering.  Sorry--no pictures here.  But it was late, and I was all done painting, and wanted to go to bed.  So I gathered up all the messy stuff and started to walk downstairs.  I imagined myself standing at the kitchen sink for 10-15 minutes, running water over all of this stuff.  Then I thought, "And after that, I still need to shower."  You can imagine the light bulb that went off in my head.  "Why can't the painting equipment and the human get clean at the same time?"  No reason, really.  Sure, it took a bit longer than just a regular shower, but it took less time than separating the tasks completely.  Plus I didn't have to worry about paint splashing on the counter or anything like that.  Any paint that splattered just got sprayed with the hand-held shower nozzle.  I have since noticed one or two little specks that didn't get rinsed right away, but they scraped right off the shower walls, better than they would have off of the stainless steel or counter tops found in our kitchen.

There you have it.  And now, the visual evidence of the work.  A couple of explanations:
-It wasn't until I was getting ready to film the "after" shots that I decided to provide commentary.  Thus, the before shots are instead accompanied by music that I felt captured the chaos of the initial disorganization as well as the hope of what is to come.  It also happened to be the first sample I listened to on my video editing software--an amazing coincidence.

-The video "after" shots of the closet kind of suck.  I went too much "one part at a time" and there aren't any good "big picture" shots.  So in addition to the video, I've posted some still shots of the finished product.  It's still hard to get a ton of perspective on a 6" x 10" (or so) room, but the still pics do a better job.  Next time, I'll do the thing where you take before and after still shots from the exact same place.  Live and learn.  And see you Wednesday.

-THP