Saturday, May 28, 2011

More Practical Than a Barrel of Monkeys

This is the year that we've finally decided to "go green" in our efforts to water our lawn.  Prior to this, our efforts had always been characterized as "theoretical" or "impeded by a lack of a functional sprinkler and/or my suspicion that the coiled hose may be a home to spiders".  But "green" is the new "it's supposed to rain again in a few days I think", so there's really only one choice for watering our lawn: a rain barrel.

I learned about the existence of rain barrels a couple of months ago when Beth asked me to get one, and now--not to brag--I probably know more about rain barrels than about 70% of your friends.  Here's a few things I learned about rain barrels and their installation:

1)  rain barrels are designed to catch rain during the rainy season, which they then store for their owner to dispense through their spigots during the dry season

2)  Lowe's and Home Depot sell out of them pretty quickly, but...

3)  you can buy them online and, even though they are larger than anything I've ever bought that is not a car or a house, they can still be shipped for free

4)  how much you pay for a rain barrel is largely related to looks; pretty rain barrels are more expensive than ugly ones.

5)  this is what an installed rain barrel looks like:


"But where does the tube lead?"


To the gutter, of course!  (Tube not included.  Really.)


6)  sawing out a middle section of the downspout of your gutter with a hacksaw FEELS very weird and wrong.  Even after I was sure that the installation instructions were telling me to do this, I was incredibly self-conscious about it and found myself hoping that my neighbors weren't watching me through their window, getting ready to run out and ask me if I was crazy.  I think I would have answered, "I know this LOOKS crazy, and it FEELS crazy in my heart, but my head is pretty sure that this 8.5" x 11" printout is telling me to do this, so in answer to your question, I'm kind of torn--what do YOU think?"  Not wanting to have this exchange, I tried to saw as quickly and quietly as I could, which was difficult because...

7)  sawing out a middle section of the downspout of your gutter with a hacksaw is VERY loud and unpleasant sounding.  The weight of the downspout on the side of the sliding hacksaw makes for a nails-on-chalkboard type screech, and the hollow tubing acts like a megaphone to alert the world that some madman is sawing up his house.  Indeed, if I was a gutter and someone was trying to saw a chunk out of my middle, the sound that I would hope to make is identical in type and volume to the sound that WAS actually made by the gutter that I was sawing.  I found myself wanting to say to the gutter in a hushed but urgent voice, "Shut UP!  This isn't making it any easier for either of us!"

So now, we wait.  We wait for the barrel to fill up and for the rain to stop.  Then the timing will be perfect, and I will water the lawn--with rain water!  What will they think of next?  A root system that grows out of the bottom of your rain barrel underneath the ground all throughout the area of your lawn, so that the water from the barrel is automatically used as needed without any additional effort from its owner?  Hmm?  Maybe?

-THP

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Making of "It's All in Your Head"

Last Wednesday, the red carpet rolled out and the world had premiered for it "It's All in Your Head," my first film since I became the head of THP Studios.

Obviously, I was trying to have a little fun, showcase the acting chops of my daughter, and roll my eyes at how aggressive toy makers will be to prevent 7 year-old girls and their guardians from cashing in a five-fingered discount on their product.

Originally, the content of my short film was going to be only a written description in my Easter post.  But I realized that a written description of the security tabs inserted into the heads of the Disney Princess dolls would lack the vividness of an actual video record of my ripping one of those tabs from the head of a princesses.  So the idea of a separate, video post was born.

I planned just to film myself pulling the tab from the head, when the part of my brain that likes to play make-believe started to holler.  It suggested something more plot driven, and pointed out that it might be fun to give my younger daughter, THPK-2, a chance to finally break into blog-dom with a starring role in a video post.  It would take just a few minutes to cut and paste some clips of THPK-2 in between shots of a princess, creating a "dialogue" of sorts.  I wrote the script in my head, then sketched out the "X-ray" of the Princess with the security tab embedded in her hair.

Then I told my younger daughter that I wanted her to dress up like a doctor and let me video her.

At first, she was excited but cautious.  But after I got her costume and headed down to the main floor, she flipped.  She became VERY resistant to letting me film her.  I tried every persuasive tactic I could think of:
-this will be fun--we're just pretending, playing dress up--you don't even need to pretend I'm here
-I won't tell anyone about the video; people may watch it, but I will make no special effort to promote it
-after I film you, you can film me
-after I film you, you can see the tape and decide if you still don't want me to use it
-you can play Wii afterwards
-people who watch it will like it, and it will make them happy to see you

And on and on.  She was crying, and would not budge.

So, a couple of days later, I recast the part of the doctor with my older daughter, THPK-1.  She was very compliant.  I filmed her making a few facial expressions and reciting a couple of lines, and she impressed me with her ability to be coached.  Movies recast their leads all the time, but a good director can still pull things together--I was well on my way.

I had already pulled the tabs out of the heads of most of the princess dolls, so for the part of the princess, I had to choose between a couple whose tabs were still embedded.  Jasmine won the casting call (the stub of her tab was the longest and would provide the best grip).

I filmed her still shots and then prepped for the surgery scene.  It's surprisingly difficult to film down on something in a steady manner without the use of a tripod, which we don't own.  I ended up using this, attaching the camera to the top tier with twist ties and reaching around with my hands to perform the operation:

Imagine it without the bananas


The awkwardness of this position was accentuated when I couldn't get the darn tab out of Jasmine's head.  The others popped out so smoothly.  One by one, I would grab the stub, secure the head with my other hand, and pull as hard as I could, and POP!  Out of a hole no bigger than a millimeter would come the cross bar to the T-tab that I was pulling by the vertical stub.  Great theater, to be sure.

But now that I was filming, I couldn't get Jasmine's tab out.  I tried different pliers, and tried squeezing her head in different shapes.  When my left hand got tired, I tried using my right.  I'm wearing this powdered, plastic gloves and my hands are getting all sweaty and cramped while I'm reaching around this fruit basket.  The protruding nub kept breaking off in the pliers, little by little, until there was only a tiny bit left that I couldn't even grip with the pliers.

I had to switch to plan B.  I would find another brown-haired Princess who could wear Jasmine's clothes and double for her for this scene.  But the only one other Princess who still had a tab stuck in her head was Tiana from "The Princess and the Frog".

OK, plan C: I would work a little movie magic.  Instead of replacing Jasmine with Tiana and re-shooting the still scenes (no biggie, really) and the X-ray scene (slightly more annoying), I would just remove Tiana's tab off-camera, then film myself PRETENDING to yank Jasmine's tab out of her head, then--off camera, again--quickly insert Tiana's tab into the pliers and bring those pliers back into the shot, passing the tab off as Jasmine's.

It worked.  I would edit the shots to make the transition smoother, and everyone would be happy, and my movie would NOT end up like this, the subject of documentaries like this.

I did most of the quick cutting and arranging in less than an hour, making Jasmine's and THPK-1's dialogue look at least semi-legitimate.  Then I looked through the uploaded rough video footage for the tab-switcheroo scene.  Then I looked some more.  The video reached the point where I pretended to yank the tab out of Jasmine, but when I expected the pliers to come back into frame holding (what I knew to be) Tiana's tab, they didn't.  What I think happened was this: I was so excited about the switcheroo idea and the execution of it, I forgot to make sure that the pliers came back into the shot.  And they didn't.

Freakin' a.  This is when movie studios "pull the plug", writing off millions of dollars as sunk costs.  Me?  I had already replaced the female lead, created a tripod, filmed and preliminarily edited most of the footage.  And now I don't have a 2-second clip of a stupid little plastic security tab, which was the whole reason for filming this in the first place?

So tab-hunting I went.  I found every doll we own, and not a single one had a plastic tab in it.  The princess dolls had all already been operated on.  I looked around in the family room, where I had initially pulled out most of the tabs Easter morning.  I looked under the couch and between the cushions.  Nothing.  I had already vacuumed them all up about a week before.

"Wait a second..."  I realized I had vacuumed them up, but that I had not changed the vacuum bag for several weeks.  It was time to count the cost.  All I needed was one stupid little tab, and I could finish my film.

What question did I need to ask?  "Should an ostensibly responsible grown-up, father of 2, ever really find himself sifting through vacuumed up debris looking for a plastic security tab so he can finish his silent movie starring his 6-year-old daughter and his 5-year-old daughter's Disney princess doll?"  Or should I ask myself, "What would Scorsese do?  Or Coppola?  Or Ed Wood?"  It was decided.

The next question was would my search be as easy as popping the top off the shop vac, or would I have to go deeper than that?  Here's a visual answer:



Yup, that's the vacuum bag of our upright, cut open from top to bottom, like a slain deer waiting to be gutted.  I reacquainted myself with the powdered plastic gloves I had used for the on-camera operation and began to sift.  Within minutes, I had found not one, but two plastic tabs.  The movie was saved.

A bit more editing, and I was home free.  So the tab that you see in the film is not only NOT the actual tab from Jasmine's head, but was pulled out of a full vacuum bag a few days after the initial filming.

THPK-1 had made enough expressions for me to add a couple of extra dialogue boxes that I hadn't initially planned on (trivia: "Hawaii Five-0" narrowly beat out "House, M.D.," "Harry's Law," and "Cougartown" as the show that the doctor wanted to watch).  I added the music and the credits, and THPK-1 was well on her way to becoming an internet star.

By the way, when I showed the girls the movie, they both liked it.  THPK-2 said, "Daddy, I think I do like this.  I'll do it."  It's not exactly Tom Selleck missing out on Indiana Jones, but the message is the same: too late.  Unless, of course, there's a sequel.  Hmm...

Friday, May 13, 2011

A Keeping-You-Posted Post, 5/13

I was going to have a post like this in the next couple of weeks, a post just to explain a few logistic blog-related stuff, but blogger.com forced my hand.  They had some technical difficulties on their end of cyberspace which I figured deserved an explanation ASAP.  So instead of explaining their problems today and my problems & plans in the next couple of weeks, here I am combining.

The idea is something like this: the time that I spend taking care of some less obvious blog stuff will roughly equal the time it would have taken me to write a shiny new post--unless that post is me sharing the scoop on some of those issues/plans.

1)  Blogger went into read-only mode for the past few days, and blogs across the country had their Wednesday and Thursday posts temporarily removed for some reason.  Blogger assures us that those posts are being put back up (I hope they have e-copies!), and I think that my Wednesday, 5/11 post has now been reinstated.  However, as of now, the lone comment re: that post has NOT been reinstated, and it may never be.  :(  If the poster would like to re-post, she is welcome to; if not, I have a record of it in my email inbox, and it's still special to me.

If anyone else either looked for Wednesday's post and couldn't find it, or found it but couldn't post, you should be good to go at this point.

2)  Blogger.com's metaphorical "safety mode" has nothing to do with my absence of posts last week.  I knew at some point I would take a week off, though I had hoped it would be more proactive and less reactive than it was last week.  Last Wednesday (9 days ago) ended up being a perfect storm of projects and responsibilities, the details of which I will not bore you with.  Meanwhile, the short film that ended up being THIS Wednesday's post was originally going be LAST Wednesday's post, but I ran into some glitches.

Then, beginning about Thursday, I got sick.  Over the weekend, I had a fever that fluctuated from below 98 to 101 and back again several times.  I'm still fighting some symptoms, but am better than I was Friday and Saturday, when my hope was not so much getting a blog post written as it was being able to swallow without experiencing a sharp pain in my throat.

Anyway, my bad for not anticipating last Wednesday's chaos better than I did.  Had I posted on Wednesday, I may have tried to tough out another post for Friday.  As it happened, I decided to take the week off.

3)  I imagine I'll do this periodically: revise, trim, or expand older posts.  I did that today with Something I Thought I'd Never Write: "If I Could", a post from a few weeks back.  I added my traditional pre-lyrics explanation/introduction.

4)  In the next couple of weeks, I'll be finishing both the "Alien Perspectives on Baseball" and the "Rating Springsteen Album Titles" series.  Then I'm going to clean them up and see about floating them out to sports and music blogs, respectively, that publish reader content.  If all goes well, I will hostilely take over all sports and music blogs by the end of the summer [evil laugh].  If only some things go well, I will slightly broaden readership of WPFF.

5)  I'll also likely add a widget or two to this blog.  Widgets are like apps, from what I understand.  Some widgets do things like link to sites like Amazon, and people who buy stuff from Amazon after linking through WPFF will provide me with a hefty kickback; unless I'm forgetting where the decimal point goes, it's 1000% of all sales.  I know what you're thinking:  "Selling out?  First Kriss Kross, now the Hungry Preacher?"  Well, if you know of some place where manicures, Revolutionary War-era tobacco pipes, and Johnnie Walker Blue grow on trees, I'd be happy to listen--in the meantime, those things don't pay for themselves.  So keep an eye out for widgets.

6)  Finally, it seems that certain fancy-schmancy bloggers have it so that the title headers for their blogs don't get cut off at the end.  It's an intriguing concept that I may look into.

That's the scoop.  See you next Wednesday.

-THP

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The Hungry Preacher Presents: "It's All in Your Head"

In an earlier post, I provided photographic evidence of my younger daughter opening up an Easter present.  This was that present:




Like most products, this toy was equipped with an anti-theft device, in the form an insane number of bands and tabs and cords holding each Princess in her place until mommy or daddy get home with something like my all-time favorite tool.

After freeing the princesses from their captivity, I noticed each had a tiny strand of plastic sticking out of the back of her head.  What was meaning behind this plastic nub?

Instead of explaining it to you, I did what most of us would have done in the same situation: I made a short, non-speaking film starring my 6-year-old daughter.  Enjoy.

-THP

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

"You Couldn't Be Any Hotter": Easter, 2011

Easter has come and gone for the household of The Hungry Preacher, and all that's left is the memories, the pictures, the presents, the candy, and the eggs.  We decided to go all Christmas on Easter this year, and gave the girls actual wrapped, significant presents.  The younger one was under the weather and was couch-bound, which made for an awkward angle to open her large present:



And while the girls may remember this Easter for the resurrection and the presents, we will remember it as the year that we discovered what may be the greatest weakness of both of our daughters: They can't find eggs worth a lick.  Like, if they were in a room that was empty except for a chicken sitting on a nest and told to find the egg, they MIGHT find it, but anything trickier than that gets REAL iffy.

Of course, we have photographic evidence to back up this diagnosis.

CASE #1:  See the green, egg-shaped thing about a third of the way from the top of this picture, and about half-way across from left to right?  The thing that it looks like our younger daughter is staring directly at?  She wasn't.  This picture was taken after about 3 minutes of her looking on the shelves, and prior to another three minutes of looking on the shelves, with Beth saying pretty much the whole time things like, "Look on the shelves.  No, not that shelf.  That one.  You're looking right at it."  Our daughter eventually said, "Mommy, I don't think there is one on the shelves."


CASE #2:  This one was snapped after playing the "hotter/colder" game, and me literally running out of ways to say how hot she was getting.  After "It's like you're in the center of the sun" came my utterance of the title of this post, "You couldn't be any hotter."  As she leaned farther over the cabinets, I said, "You're like an inch away from touching it."  Not seeing it within an inch of her hands, she started moving her feet around on the floor, assuming that it was with her feet that she was so close.  (It was actually her eyes that we within an inch.)


CASE #3:  Again, don't let the head angle or the direction of the eyes fool you.  It only LOOKS like my older daughter is staring right at the purple egg in the lower left corner of the picture.  It was still about 30 seconds before she saw it.


Fortunately, it's only about once a year that the struggles of our daughters in this area come to light, and it's rarely in a life or death situation.  And we have committed to loving them through this struggle, and have full confidence that they will be better, stronger people because of it.

Happy Easter.

-THP

Friday, April 22, 2011

Addressing Alien Concerns (PART 2)

I'm pretty sure this post will be dated April 14 by blogger.  You may be thinking, "Have the aliens introduced time travel to Rob?"  Oh, there are many possible explanations--who am I to say that the aliens DIDN'T cause me to time travel, then brainwash me regarding the details?

But posted dates notwithstanding, the important thing is the "PART 2" component of this title.  It will be followed soon by PART 3, and was preceded by PART 1.  Check out that link for an introduction to this post.  Then continue reading ways to fix all that is wrong with MLB according to unbiased intergalactic perspective.

2.  CHANGE POST-SEASON QUALIFICATION AND FORMAT.  With 32 teams, you really do need 8 teams per league to qualify for the post season to keep enough fans interested.  But instead of the current arrangement of 3 division winners plus 1 wild card team making the playoffs, use the four-divisions-of-8-teams arrangement and switch that to 2 and 2 (division winners and wild card teams).

This is a little outside the box for a lot of people.  Most proponents of expanding to 32 teams have suggested 8 total divisions of 4 teams each, while doing away with the wild card altogether.  There are 2 big problems with that.

First, it becomes a lot more likely that a team with a .500 or worse record will qualify for the playoffs because they were the best of only 4 teams in their division.

Second, no matter how you split up the divisions, the Yankees and the Red Sox will be in the same division.  Do we want them to be in a 4 team division that is rationed only 1 playoff spot?  Any volunteers to join that division as teams 3 and 4?  Rays, you in?  Orioles?  It’s already considered an anomaly when EITHER the Yanks or the Sox DON’T make the playoffs—Blue Jays fans, want to wait for NEITHER of them to make it?

It’s quite conceivable that the 3 best teams in a league could all be from the same division, and if only one of them made the playoffs each year, most fans would notice this pretty quickly and become disillusioned about it.  So make it 2-and-2, and if both Wild Cards come from the same division, so be it.  It just means all the more that they’ve earned it.

If the Wild Cards come from 2 different divisions, let them play the winner of the other division in the first round of the playoffs.  If they’re from the same division (i.e., one division would have 3 playoff teams), pair the best win/loss record among division winners with the worst win/loss record among wild card teams, regardless of their divisions.

Once you’ve got the teams qualified, for the love of all that’s good, let them play a 7-game series!  I already talked about how silly it is to have a 5-game series as the first round of the playoffs.  To summarize: It’s REALLY silly.  It serves as “the great equalizer” for playoff qualifying teams.  That sounds vaguely appealing, but the time for equalizing is actually when you’re establishing things like revenue sharing, team payrolls, balanced schedules, and fair drafts.  The postseason is the time you want the best teams to, well, win—based on the talent they have demonstrated for 162 games.  It’s NOT the time to create an artificially level playing field with short and oddly scheduled series that (at best) only marginally favor the team with the best record.

So make the first round 7 games, just like the other rounds.  Interesting thing: I’ve done a lot of research for these posts, and have seen a lot of point/counterpoint arguments on almost every topic.  And it may be out there, but I did NOT come across a single argument in FAVOR of the 5-game series.  It may literally be the case that not a single person likes it.  So just add 2 games already.

One of the objections to adding the 2 games is that the season will run too long.  Since the 5-game series take either 7 or 8 days to play, it’s a little hard to take this objection TOO seriously, because obviously the powers that be don’t care THAT much about shortening the season.  But post-season compression is relatively un-trodden ground.  So let’s trod there.

Want a shorter season?  Play the first 2 rounds of the playoffs in 8 days each.  That’s a 7 game series in 8 days, which is REALLY bucking tradition, since 7-game post-season series are ALWAYS: 2 games, travel day, 3 games, travel day, 2 games.  Back when pitchers pitched on 3 days rest, this allowed a team’s ace to pitch games 1, 4, and 7.  That doesn’t happen anymore.  With pitchers needing 4 days off between starts, you’ve got to start 4 different pitchers in a series anyway.  Why not play the series with one day off?  The day off actually doesn’t even need to be a travel day: Players spend all season playing in one city one night and another the next.  Why do they suddenly need time to sight-see during October?  If you really want to keep the World Series as a 9 day event, fine.  But if you compress the games in the first 2 rounds, you could actually add the 2 more games to the first round and STILL have the first 2 rounds take fewer calendar days than the current arrangement does.

The added bonus is that this arrangement will allow for games to be more reflective of the regular season, since teams had to play 7 games in 8 days pretty much the whole season in order to get to the post season.

SPINNING THE NEW POST SEASON TO THE PLAYERS: Might not be much to spin.  I would think the players would generally be in favor of having the post season more accurately reflect the results of the regular season.  I also suspect they wouldn’t mind being done with the whole season a couple of days earlier than usual.  I’m not sure what the objections would be.

SPINNING THE NEW POST SEASON TO THE OWNERS: Owners would be drawn to the financial allure of 2 more playoff games.  However, they would probably risk losing some funds from the networks who get to call the shots on how the playoffs are scheduled.  The networks couldn’t care less about playing 5 games series in 8 days, or 7 games series in 10 days, for that matter.  What they and the owners DON’T want are 2 things: 1) series that overlap start times, and 2) too many day games.  ‘Cause those things hurt ratings and lose money.

Probably, the owners would want to have their cake and eat it, too, meaning adding 2 more games to the first round of the playoffs but still letting the networks schedule the games in whatever manner they think will net them the most funds.

Since Bud Selig’s idea of taking a stand against the networks’ gauging of fan interest as a guide for scheduling games (and, thus, indirectly influencing their outcomes) is declaring that the World Series will NOT be scheduled for November, we may want to lower our hopes just a smidge on how likely this schedule compression is going to happen.

Owners, of course, want their money now, and the idea of sacrificing cash today in order to build a loyal fan base that will provide more cash tomorrow is lunacy.  But maybe they could be persuaded of the wisdom of this approach?  Possibly?  Since cold hard numbers supporting this “investment for a lucrative future” notion would be impossible to provide, maybe a subjective argument could be at least mildly persuasive?

Here’s one: I remember the Rays playing the Phillies in the World Series a couple of years ago.  I remember pulling for the Rays, thinking it was about time they had something to show for their years of futility, as well as for their devotion to scouting and player development.  I, like much of the country, saw the Rays as David to the Goliath that was the Phillies, and it was an intriguing story.  And what I remember about the World Series is this: the teams sloshing around in near-freezing rain while the announcers wondered if the Series clinching game could be won a team sitting in the clubhouse after the umpires declared there would be no more baseball that day.  That’s really it.  That’s all I remember.  And I’m a baseball fan with a pretty good memory.  It should have been as embarrassing to MLB as the infamous tie-game all-star game was, because at least the all-star game was unapologetically a show more than it was a competition.

So, owners, was it worth the few extra bucks you got for letting the networks insert days off into the post-season schedule?  Selig’s decree that November is off-limits for the World Series is fine, but with a little aggressiveness, we could be talking moving things back by 2 WEEKS rather than 2 days.  Squish the calendar days in which the first two rounds are played, and cut the days off in between each round (if the teams want more than 1 day off, tell them to sweep!).

Owners, this will help keep the postseason from being a joke.  At some point, that might pay off financially.

Also, this compact post-season scheduling will keep fans interested in the series by keeping in the forefront of their minds that this IS actually a series, and not just some games scattered around by networks—which is what it seems like.

It’s also OK for games to overlap.  If you have to have 4 games scheduled on the same day, how about 12:00, 2:30, 5:00, and 7:30 (Central Time).  (Side note: if you do that, don’t automatically schedule New York/Boston/Philadelphia for the prime time game, which is good for ratings, but bad for the integrity of the series.)  The integrity and continuity of the series that you save will make up for (possibly even financially) the lost advertising dollars for those 30 minutes when baseball fans who would normally be watching all 4 games consecutively (a lot of those types, are there?) will have to pick one or the other.

Here's a visual as to how the first round of the post season could be scheduled.  Notes:
a)  The days at the top of the column are arbitrary--I don't really know or care which day of the week the series start on.  But it's one day off after the regular season, and one day off before the next round.
b)  I'm still not crazy about one series having just one game before a day off, but that could be tweaked.
c)  Keep in mind, also, that odds are at least one of the series will NOT go all 7 games, so scheduling of games 6 and 7 could be shifted later, losing the earlier and less profitable start times.
d)  Though this table doesn't indicate it, the start times for each series would rotate, so everyone gets at least one game at each time slot.



Sun
Mon
Tues
Wed
Thur
Fri
Sat
Sun
Mon
Tues
ALDS1
OFF
12:00
OFF
2:00
2:00
2:00
12:00
12:00
12:00
OFF
ALDS2
OFF
2:30
2:00
OFF
5:00
5:00
2:30
2:30
2:30
OFF
NLDS1
OFF
5:00
5:00
5:00
OFF
8:00
5:00
5:00
5:00
OFF
NLDS2
OFF
8:00
8:00
8:00
8:00
OFF
8:00
8:00
8:00
OFF

So now that the post-season is fixed, let's move on to the regular season.

3.  STREAMLINE SCHEDULING.  When I was your age, we didn’t HAVE to walk barefoot through 10 feet of snow to get to the baseball stadium.  In 1985, the baseball season started on April 8, with game 7 of the World Series being played on October 27.  2011’s World Series is scheduled to end on October 27, but the season started on March 31.  It is actually to MLB’s credit that they’ve only added 8 days to the season despite adding an additional round of playoffs (especially if you let yourself forget that the additional round of playoffs is only 5 games long).

But condensing should be explored, preferably on the back end of the season.  Chop off a week of the season.  Don’t just cut the number of games, though—even I’m not THAT extreme.  The easiest and most obvious solution is to add a few more double headers back into the schedule.  Those stopped getting scheduled a few years back when owners realized that they could make more money charging two separate tickets.  Of course, they can, but then they went and added that extra post-season series, drawing out the season on two separate fronts.

But if each team had, on average, one double header scheduled each month, and if MLB could decide to be a little more aggressive with scheduling the post season on their terms, the season could open on March 31, and game 7 of the World Series could be scheduled for right around October 15.

SPINNING A STREAMLINED SCHEDULE TO THE PLAYERS:  So far the players have looked remarkably cooperative in my efforts to improve Major League Baseball, and again I’m not sure what the objections would be from the MLBPA, or at least what objections that may have that wouldn’t get trumped by the benefit of being done with the regular season a week sooner.

SPINNING A STREAMLINED SCHEDULE TO THE OWNERS:  It’s that whole revenue thing again, and again I would suggest that in the long run, ensuring that the World Series will not be mistaken for a motocross event is a suave financial move.

But in the short term, it would be hard for the owners to look past the loss of 3 home-dates worth of attendance per team.  Roughly, the average, league-wide attendance is about 30,000 per game, which means that’s about 90,000 tickets lost per team.

Of course, there are a thousand variables for what a team makes per ticket sold, and those variables vary from team to team.  But for argument’s sake, let me suggest a few ways in which those tickets can be made up for.

a)  Establish a marketing push to point out to fans the bargain of getting two games for the price of one.  Maybe some people like the idea of getting two games for the price of one, and would buy a ticket to a double header when maybe they otherwise wouldn’t have bought a ticket at all.  Let’s say that adds about 5,000 people worth of revenue, and decreases our initial 90,000 figure to 85,000.

b)  Remember that the dates that would lose scheduled games are coming straight from the end of the season.  Attendance for those games is generally below average, sometimes by quite a bit.  So owners aren’t really losing 30,000 a game—probably more like 20,000.  So that drops the 85,000 figure to about 55,000.

c)  Schedule double headers for Memorial Day, July 4th, and Labor Day, and spin them as “celebration events,” complete with things like fireworks or concerts in between games (turning these double headers into something in between traditional double headers and day/night double headers).  Conceivably, attendance could be given an additional boost for these games, up another 5,000.  That brings us down to 50,000 lost fans.

d)  If the double header plan were accompanied by the expansion plan, then MLB could make a new concerted effort to open the season in warm weather cities.  This has been tried before, but it was already difficult to work out a schedule with 15 teams per league—adding this extra variable made it all the more difficult.  With 32 teams, warm-weather scheduling shouldn’t be too difficult, though.  Then, the number of early-season rainouts could be reduced, lessoning the risk of scheduled-in-advance double headers competing with the make up dates for rain-outs as the season progressed.  Also, with teams playing nothing but 3 or 4 game series, their days off are more likely to coincide, adding more flexibility for rescheduling rain outs.  So fewer rain outs, accompanied by more flexibility in rescheduling those rain outs, could translate into another 10,000 fans coming to games that they otherwise would have skipped.  We’re down to 40,000 lost fans.

e)  OK, fine—one of each team’s scheduled double headers could be a day/night double header, with a separate ticket for each game.  Not very traditional, but it saves a game’s worth of revenue.  So let’s say that’s another 30,000 fans passing through the turnstiles, reducing the “lost fan” total to 10,000.

Of course, this math is all very speculative, and some teams would be hurt more than others by losing a home date, even one in October.  But my point is that the adding of 3 home double-headers per team is not so simple as “losing 3 dates”.  Major League Baseball is nothing if not painfully uncreative in building a money generating fan base, and “losing 3 dates”, if accompanied by a little bit of creativity in scheduling and marketing, could very possibly result in a financial wash for MLB.

MLB's problems are getting close to being solved.  Stay tuned...

-THP

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

An Artist Explains Her Art (Titanic Edition)

I had some technical difficulties last Friday with this post, and then the video itself turned out to be too dark.  So I had to re-shoot the video (the talent was very patient through the re-shoot), but I think we've got everything in order now.

I do actually have 2 daughters.  Seems like it's just so happened that the older one has been the subject of many of the video posts on WPFF.

A bit of background: My older daughter is pretty ambitious with her drawings and even the media she uses for her art (she'll regularly poke her head out during her quiet time and call something like, "Daddy, I need some tape").  She also remembers a lot of what she reads and hears, and these details often get incorporated into her work.

The poster in this video is something that she did during her quiet time a couple of weeks ago, without any prompting or instruction from me.

The first take of this video (the too dark one) actually had a perfect little visual at the end.  So I went ahead and added it to this clip after the fade out.  Enjoy.

-THP